Minecraft - Explained
by YourLocalMudkip
Summary: Minecraft, explained, just like I did with Pokemon. Have you ever wondered what the heck is weird with Minecraft? How you swim fast, yet slow? Then this is the story for you!
1. Introduction

**Minecraft: Explained**

Minecraft is a popular game, with over 11 million downloads on the computer. Many people play it, including myself, and while not as popular as Pokemon, is still played among gamers today.

Of course, like Pokemon and many other games, it includes many... well... weird oddities in the Minecraft world. Here, I'll tell you about the things that just don't make sense (just like Pokemon).

To get you a bit of information, well, Minecraft is a game where you place blocks and destroy blocks. You build in a 60 million by 60 million world, and you may also play with other players.

Minecraft was made in Stockholm, Sweden, in 2009. It was created as "Cave Game" by Markus Persson, who is widely known as Notch.  
In 2009, he released it to the public.  
In 2011, the beta was started.  
In 2012, the game was given to Jens Bergensten. otherwise known as Jeb.  
In 2013, Minecraft updates 1.5, 1.6, and 1.7 were introduced.  
In 2014 (now), 1.8 is coming soon.

That's probably all you need to know. If you need more information, look it up on Google, Wikipedia, or MinecraftWiki.

Happy Crafting!


	2. Part 1

**_New System - Not using the Weirdness Scale_**

**1... Swimming**

Now, swimming is commonly done in Minecraft, but just one question: How does it swim so fast?  
You're probably thinking, "~0.75 blocks per second isn't that fast," but that's when you're wrong.  
**Minecraft Trivia #1: Each block is 1 meter long.**  
That's right, 1 meter. So if their character swims 3 meters in 4 seconds... That's amazing, right?  
Like, that means swimming 1 length (25 meters) takes... err...  
hmm...  
3x2=6... 4x2=8...  
6x2=12... 8x2=16...  
12x2=24... 16x2=32...  
24+.75=24.75... 32+1=33...  
+.25 = 25... +.33 = 33.33...  
So a Minecraft character can swim at a minimum high speed of 33.33... seconds.  
That's almost 1m per second.  
Does that make your character a superhuman?  
Wait... I'm giving hints about the later unrealistic things!  
Crud.

Part I: Just plain weird

Probably the least weird of all the chapters. I plan for there to be about 10 chapters of weirdness, each having about 3-5 things in them.

**2... Smelting**

Smelting, a commonly done thing, is just... weirdly weird.  
You'd think that it's completely normal, but it's nowhere near that.  
You see, each item you smelt takes 10 seconds to smelt, otherwise known as a rate of 6 items per minute.  
The thing is, each day in Minecraft is...  
10 Minutes.  
Yeah, 10 minutes. Crazy, right? Crazy, but true.  
So, if you were smelting a 64 stack of wood, it would take...  
640 seconds.  
That's 10 minutes and 40 seconds, which is enough to light up your house for a day.  
Also, each night is 7 minutes (I know right), so you're covered for the night!  
So... that's not very realistic.  
Which brings me to...

**3... The days, the night, and the sundowns (The LION, the WITCH, and the WARDROBE parody o-o)**

Well... Let me phrase it quickly.  
Day - 10 minutes  
Sunset - 1.5 minutes / 90 seconds  
Night - 7 minutes (what the heck?)  
Sun-up - 1.5 minutes / 90 seconds  
So 24 hours = 20 minutes.  
You can literally see the sun moving, as well as the moon.  
Does that make sense?  
So... a week is 140 minutes, or 2 hours and 20 minutes.  
A month (mostly known as 4 weeks, mainly, not saying months are 4 weeks. Approx 4 weeks...) is 560 minutes, or 9 hours.  
So, a year in Minecraft is 9x12 (108 hours).  
108 hours is 4 days and a half in real life.

First note: Sorry for being away for over 2 weeks.

To be honest, I've been quite busy with the following things. These

Include…

-homework

-friend things

-real life things

However, I'm still interested in Minecraft.

To be honest, I'm very proud of both Minecraft: Explained and Pokemon: Explained. I might to a Mario one in the future, I don't know. I want to get these done first. So, let's start with…

**#4 – Redstone**

To be honest, this isn't really that weird. Redstone = electricity, right?

WRONG. Do you honestly think that electricity cord wires would be found as dust in mines? Do you honestly think that the dust can activate stuff? No. I don't really think that's realistic at all.

Now, before you get mad at me and say, "Well, Minecraft isn't supposed to be that realistic!" yes; you are correct about that. I'm just stating that what is weird is…

A) – Redstone is found in a cave and can't be mined with a pickaxe made of stone. How do you even make those in the first place?  
B) If Redstone is like electricity, then why doesn't it electrocute people? Heck, why can a piece of dust be 1 meter/metre long?  
C) How come if you smelt Redstone ore, you get 1 piece of redstone, whereas if you actually mined it, you would get like 3-5 pieces of redstone, non-enchanted pickaxe?

Also, how can dust activate jukeboxes, note blocks, etc.?! It's a spread out piece of dust!

Okay, I'm starting to rant here. Moving on…

**#5 – Multiplayer Minecraft Servers**

Now, you're probably wondering: "Why is multiplayer so weird?"  
Well, in the gaming universe, it isn't. However, In the logic universe, it makes NO SENSE!  
Think about it. Say your username is iamanoob123. So iamanoob123 is alone for his whole life until their controller goes on a server? So iamanoob123 is just walking over to the server port and going BACK and FORTH and BACK and FORTH all whilst you are just walking 1 square?

Think about it. Say you are in New Zealand.

: ) - - New Zealand

Say you enter a server in the United States.

:0 - - New Zealand - United States

So since they're on different parts of the world… Err… Does that mean that "iamanoob123" is walking back and forth, communicating with the server in the US?

;( - - US New Zealand US NZ US NZ US NZ US NZ US Disconnect NZ

And I'm just describing, what, like, 5 steps in Minecraft? 5 meters?

So your character can travel faster than light speed?! Does that make him a super-hu- WAIT, I'M GIVING IT OUT AGAIN!

**Well, for now, that's all I'm going to do. This concludes scale #1 of… Minecraft – Explained!**

Chapter 2 is to be out within the next week if I'm not busy.

**_By the way, as for Pokemon Explained, I'll try to update it within the next week as well._**

**Stay tuned!**

By the way, what's that hissing sound from behind you?

**[Coming Soon]  
-How tall are you in Minecraft  
-Redstone  
-The weirdness of mobs  
-Pigs, Sheep, Cows, and... argh, can't think of it! What's that other mob... Did I say cow?... NOW I REMEMBER! Chickens.  
-Mods: What the heck is with them?**

**Some of these might be on the next chapter ;)**


	3. Part 2

Yep. After… (Let me count for a sec…) 4-5 months, Minecraft: Explained is finally back!

I decided to start writing again because I just realized that

a) This was quite fun to write

b) This was quite popular

c) I haven't updated for almost half a year and I'm letting everyone who liked this be let down

d) Minecraft has way more oddities than you think

Anyway, I'm scrapping that weirdness scale because that was just… the world's worst idea. It's YOUR opinion what is considered… y'know, weird.

Seeing as it's almost at a hundred words in the intro, let's get started!

Oh, and by the way, I probably forgot the old format, so I'm probably going to start a new one.

**Enchanting**

Ah, enchanting. It makes you have a better pickaxe and… have it more durable? I mean, things like that can exist in real life, but in the form of UPGRADING, not ENCHANTING. I just don't get it. Also, a diamond pickaxe should break pretty easily due to it, y'know, having those areas where it could just break instantly (as said on Game Theory, just with diamond armour). Basically, you can enchant wooden pickaxes, iron pickaxes, diamond pickaxes, etc, and you can enchant axes/shovels, but you can't enchant hoes? Seriously? Well, I guess it's kinda hard to get an enchantment for a hoe… it's a hoe, for crying out loud… but could there at least be "unbreaking"? Also, why can you hack in enchantments with TooManyItems? It's practically, just pressing the letter E in Minecraft then going to some tab then making some OP item that you can't even normally get. Literally. Also, why can it only go up to 127? That's a weird number, don't you think?  
**Yes, I know the reason. (stupid hexadecimal and game programming crud…)**

ANNNYYYWWAYY, I think I can move on to another topic now, because I REALLY need to do the ones that I said were "coming soon".

**How tall are you in Minecraft?**

Ah, height. Gotta love it. Makes you feel… older, in a sense. More mature. Less ranty. Less rambling.

Wait, I'm rambling right now… moving on.

So, since each Minecraft block is 1 meter, and since each block is 1x1x1 meters, that means that you are 2 meters tall.

For the people in favour of the imperial system (I respect that you use that system, so don't criticize me please), that's about 6 feet and 6 inches. That's pretty tall. But, if you get the Gulliver Mod (I'm going to talk about mods later, so sit tight), you're even bigger. Basically, you're a giant. Is that possible in real life?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

Being a giant in real life is possible? Really?

No?

Okay. Next topic…

**Mobs**

Yeah, you guessed it… mobs. Well, you didn't really guess, I kinda just told you a few months ago… ugh… I really want to just… I don't know anymore.

Anyway… Why are they so blocky? I know this is Minecraft, but seriously, we're dealing with a pig made primarily of rectangular prisms and cubes. It's pretty much blocks with a face. Kinda like the kids who draw faces on a block when they're in Kindergarden and make some kind of animal. Yeah. That.

Wait, so if a mob goes across 1 and a half blocks that means that it's a meter and a half pig, cow, sheep, etc?! I'm about that tall! Well, I'm around that height, anyway. Yeah yeah, I'm short. Maybe for whatever age I am (No, I'm not 16).

Moving on, seeing as a zombie is a mob, I guess it makes sense that th- Wait a sec, why are there zombies in a video game? Wait, I should know that answer myself as a gamer…

I believe the correct question would be, "Why are there zombies if there aren't in real life?"

Wait, I know the answer to that as well…

I guess I ca- Wait, this is trying to put logic in video games.

Lemme see… How can I put logic into zombies?

…

I know!

_"Zombies are the dead corpses of when Steve respawns. When Steve dies, his body becomes… a zombie._

_Ever had that moment where you just felt like you came back to life? No? Well, in Minecraft, your body becomes… a zombie."_

**Zombies: The Documentary – Coming in August 2089**

Umm… not really.

Moving on…

Yep, we're moving on to everyone's favourite topic. Everyone **just loves these things.**

**MODS**

That's right, mods. Those things that you download after you get Forge or whatnot or make a profile (and whatnot) and get random mods? Yeah, those.

Like, seriously, why are there mods?

**I hope you know this-fact: Mods is short for Modifications**

Anyway… Why are there mods?  
I mean, we can't change real life, right?

**"Oh, my life was crud so I got the Awesome mod"**

Wait, what would the Awesome Mod do?

Be awesome?

Seriously though, why would you be able to drag something in a folder and be able to use flipping portal guns? What, so you could teleport a creeper? Hey, wouldn't you be able to do that to… Wait, never mind, that wouldn't work.

Okay, I'm going to do the movie voiceover again, hold on, give me a sec…

…

…

_"Jack was a lonely boy who had no friends. Suddenly, a mod changed him… for good."_

_"Join Jack and… nobody… as he goes through life like a guy with no friends!"_

_"One day, Jack suddenly finds a mod. The Awesome Mod. What does it do?"_

_"In this hilarious 10/10 comedy (rated by Positive Potatoes), join Jack as he does nothing at all whatsoever!"_

_"Rated G for General."_

**Mods: The Movie – Coming Soon to a tele-theater near you**

Man, I love doing voice-over things. Makes me want to… write a story about it.

Well, that about wraps things up! Next time, I'll… Who am I kidding, I rarely update this…

Maybe in a month?

Hopefully.

Oh, and by the way, look behind you.

You see it?

Of course not! This is real life!

Wait, why am I going over a thousand words…

NOOOOOOO—

**Technical Difficulties. Please stand by.**

Phew! Now that that's over, I can finally say what I wanted to say.

Well, first of all, sorry for not updating. It's hard for me to update stuff because I get bored, but for some reason, I was in the mood to actually write for this. Don't ask.

Thank you for having a story alert set on this story, writers! (There were like 4 when I looked at my legacy story stats).

**Go ahead and review. It really helps me out.**

**Criticism helps too. Just don't drop the soap.**

**See you readers in a week. Or 2 weeks. Or a month. I have no idea anymore.**


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